Artemis Fowl: The Time Magnet
by Lyxsing
Summary: Artemis and Foaly have a new project: the Time Magnet. When Artemis and Holly test drive it, they are swept into a whirlwind of adventures that the reader will find strangely familiar...
1. Prologue

OK, I'm gonna try again to write and Artemis Fowl fanfiction. This is going to be a sort of crossover, but lots of things. Just how many will be revealed shortly. Oh yeah, this is post Lost Colony. I am also violently opposed to Arty/Minerva relationships.

Disclaimer: So far, I don't own anything. That may change.

* * *

An Extremely Short Prologue

Foaly was, for once, content. He and Caballine were going steady, his job in Section Eight was going steady, with a steadily high budget, and now he had a partner. Since their last adventure, Artemis had been allowed an underground visa, and had become a regular visitor to the Ops room. He and Foaly made a good team.

Mulch was content. He no longer had to be a bounty hunter, had been exonerated of all charges, and had a well-paying job working for Section Eight.

Artemis was content. He had sorted out the issues connected with returning to his family after being in an alternate dimension for three years, and was pleased with his new brother and sister, Hestia and Paean, who even at three years old showed signs of high intelligence. He also enjoyed working with Foaly on their newest project.

Holly was less content. She was pleased to be working in Section 8, but the assignments were few and far between, as they were specially designed for emergencies. She was also feeling left out, as Foaly and Artemis were not including her in their plans. And she could tell they were working on something big.

Little did she know that she was part of their plans. A vital part. And soon, it would be revealed to her, and the rest of the fairy community, just how important their plans were.

* * *

Sorry its so short, but its just the prologue. 


	2. Revelation

Sorry the last chapter was so short, but I'm trying to follow Eoin Colfer's style, and that includes a prologue. So it wasn't my fault. Blame Colfer if you don't like short chapters. This one will be longer.

Disclaimer: I own no characters, but I do own the magnet.

* * *

The Machine

Haven City's council members are not known for their generosity. During the siege of Fowl Manor, they had only given up an amount of their precious gold when Lt. Cudgeon convinced them they would be able to retrieve it. During the goblin rebellion, they actually believed that their own technological expert was behind the attacks. Later, they wouldn't let the same expert help rescue an important friend of the fairy people (but he did anyway). When Commander Root was murdered, their most celebrated officer was blamed. And they fired their best council member, Vinyáya, when she suggested the ratification of Section 8.

In short, they were stingy. So when Foaly requested a meeting to discuss the budget for his latest project, no one expected them to follow through.

* * *

"Attention!" Foaly rapped his knuckles on the meeting room's table. The buzz of conversation slowly died down. "I have called this meeting to reveal the design for my latest invention." 

The officers of Section Eight were clustered at the back of the room. Holly wore her new captain's uniform. She had accepted Vinyaya's offer of rejoining the force, but only through Section Eight. There was no way she would work for Sool.

Mulch was there as well, acting as a "private investigator" for Section Eight. (He still refused the term "spy.") He elbowed Holly and whispered, "Can we skip the dramatics?" Holly smirked, but refrained from replying.

"Ladies and gentleman, I give you, the Time Magnet!" Foaly pressed a key on his remote with a flourish, and a gas screen behind him lit up. Centered on it was a computer-generated, multi-faceted clear hunk of crystal. Its surface glittered with a metallic sheen, and the flat planes of its faces reflected computer-generated light.

"Oh sure, it looks pretty," Commander Sool's low bark issued from the back of the room. "But what does it do?"

"I'm getting to that," Foaly was not letting the commander ruin his mood. "Just like a normal magnet, it attracts particles. But _unlike_ a normal magnet, it attracts time." He glanced around at the gathered company, but no one seemed impressed. "It can also trace time, and _follow_ it."

Now he got a reaction. "Wait a minute," said Council Chairman Cahartez. "You mean it can follow time? Like, travel in time?"

"Exactly!" Foaly beamed.

"So you've built…a _time machine_?" Sool was dumbstruck.

"You don't have to be so cynical," Foaly objected. "I know it's a little cliché, but no one's managed to do it before.

"The principal is fairly simple, but of course it took a genius to discover it. Every event in history, from huge wars to the motion of a finger, leaves a signature magnetic trace in the space-time continuum. The time magnet can follow these traces."

The conference room filled with a buzzing of conversation. This continued until Councilman Lope spoke up; "You said the _magnet_ can travel, and follow these traces. How does that benefit us if only it travels?"

"I have designed a pod that encompasses the magnet, allowing one or two people to journey along with the magnet." Foaly hit another button on his remote to advance the picture, and a pod, similar to those used in the chutes, appeared around the magnet.

"Oh, come _on_," Sool scoffed. "Who could you get to drive _that_?" All the cadets at the back the room raised their hands.

Foaly gave an amused whinny. "I already have quite a few volunteers," he noted. "I already have my first choices picked out as well."

Everyone waited expectantly for him to elaborate, but when it became obvious that he did not intend to, Chairman Cahartez stood to order the vote. The seven members of the council filed into a side room to discuss their decision. When they returned, Cahartez announced the go-ahead on Foaly's project, including permission to all the funds he needed.

As everyone left the meeting room, Holly extratet herself from the crowd to accompany Foaly to the Section Eight Ops room.

"Foaly, I'm surprised at you," Holly said. "Why wasn't I in on your plans?"

"We wanted you to find out along with everyone else," Foaly defended himself.

"'We'?" Holly asked. "Who's 'we'? You weren't working alone, were you?"

"No," Foaly said as he opened the Ops room door. The tall chair in front of the main screen swiveled to reveal its occupant.

"Hello, Holly," said Artemis.

"Oh no," Holly shook her head. "You've been down here all this time, helping Foaly? And neither of you ever told me?"

"I haven't been here the whole time," Artemis said, rising to stand near them. He was short for an 18-year-old, having lost three years' of growth while on Hybras. "I just got here."

"We were communicating via email most of the time," Foaly explained.

"Typical," Holly groaned, collapsing on one of the cream-colored sofas.

"I assume you got clearance?" Artemis asked Foaly.

"Of course," the centaur replied. "The council was like putty in my hands."

"Sool wasn't pleased, though," Holly pointed out.

"Who cares about that sack of potatoes?" Foaly clip-clopped over to a safe in the corner of the room. He stuck his hand in a panel of molten metal, identical to that adorning the door, and the safe popped open. He removed a sack that seemed to be made of woven fibers of silver, so fine it seemed almost liquid.

Holly rose slowly to her feet. "Is that…the magnet?" she asked.

"Yep," replied Foaly. He trotted over to a worktable and slid the bag under an x-ray panel. The crystal glowed white amid a haze of gray. "The silver of the bag counteracts the time traces, allowing the magnet to remain with us."

"How did you get hold of it then?"

Artemis jumped in; "We had to construct the stone within the container. Otherwise, it would be in a random time zone before we knew it."

"So you can't control it?" Holly asked. "There's no way to tell it where, sorry, _when_ to go?"

"That's what we're working on now," Foaly explained, examining the stone under the x-ray. "We should be able to create a device that can guide it to a certain time trail. And, more importantly, return it to the starting time."

"Great," Holly yawned, and glanced at her watch to discover it was nearly eleven at night. "Well, let me know when it's finished." She headed for the door.

"Don't worry, we will." There was something in Artemis' voice that made Holly stop and turn to look at him.

"Didn't we tell you? You're going to be our pilot."

* * *

Yeah, I hate cliffhangers too. But this one was too good to pass up. 

PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	3. Takeoff

Omigosh I am so stupid I forgot that Sool was fired at the end of TLC. I don't know how to go back and edit my other chapters, so you'll just have to pretend I didn't put that. Please let me know who you think should be commander now!

Disclaimer: I only own Nuctuth.

* * *

_What am I getting myself into?_ This thought shot through Holly's mind as she entered the Ops room for her briefing. Today, at precisely 12:00PM Haven Standard Time, she would enter the capsule of the time machine with a yet unrevealed copilot, and enter the realm of time travel. _What am I getting myself into?_

The Ops room door slid silently open, and Holly stepped inside. Foaly and Artemis were the room's only occupants.

"You ready, Holly?" Foaly wasn't as full of jokes as usual.

"What do you think?" Holly's face was drawn and gaunt from lack of sleep the night before. The looming prospect of a multi-dimensional jump can do that to a girl.

Artemis smirked as he studied the charts for the pod for the last time. It had to be designed to withstand all conditions, including extreme heat, cold, and pressure, and still keep it occupants alive.

"We added some new features," said Foaly, clip-clopping over to a display. "There is a compartment accessible from the rear of the capsule, where the machine takes stock of your surroundings and re-creates suitable costumes for you, so you will blend in and can interact with others."

"A costume trunk," Holly nodded as she looked at the display. It showed a pod that resembled the front of a black mini van if someone had chopped it off just behind the driver's seat, blackened out the windows, and stuck a panel on the back.

Foaly went over the controls. "You can either set the date," the image on the screen swooped into the pod to show two seats and a dashboard complete with controls. "Or you can press this button, which will give you a random time and location. The drive computer is programmed to pick a place suitable for life, of course."

"Of course."

"Everything else is relatively simple. It will take up to five minutes for the travel to proceed, which is why there are no windows, as the effects of visual time travel could permanently damage you brain. Instead, the windows have been replaced with view screens."

"So who's my copilot?" Holly asked.

"Me," said Artemis.

"Seriously?" Holly remembered that Artemis had not enjoyed his previous pod rides.

"Of course. I've designed this thing, and I feel I've earned a chance to experience time travel myself."

Holly turned to Foaly, who spread his hands in a helpless gesture.

"Okay, cool," Holly grinned. This would be cool.

* * *

All the brass of the LEP was gathered in a room off Police Plaza designed specifically for this moment. The press was at one side of the room, cameras buzzing, little green lights blinking, and reporters simpering. Holly and Artemis stood in front of the pod, both decked out in the latest Section 8 suits (even Artemis gets wings!), and both being blinded by the flash bulbs popping every few seconds. The council was lined up along one wall. Foaly was stationed in front of a large gas screen, monitoring all the time machine's functions.

"I won't be able to communicate directly with you," he told Holly and Artemis. "But I will be able to tell where and when you are." He gestured to a global positioning unit onscreen.

"Great," said Holly weakly. She was more than a little nervous, and trying not to show it.

"I want both of you to wear these at all times," Foaly continued, clipping a tiny microphone to each of their suits. "This way I can hear what you said afterwards. You can also wear these." He handed them each an iriscam.

"Are we ready yet?" One of Foaly's interns called.

"Ready, Roob," said Foaly. (A/N: Roob is in one of the earlier books, he is not an OC. I can't stand OCs.)

Artemis and Holly entered the pod, settling into the twin padded bucket seats. Where the windows of the pod should have been there were gas screens, displaying the current time and date.

"All systems go," Foaly's voice sounded in their earpieces. "You may begin when ready. Have fun, and bring back a souvenir for me!"

"Where should we go first?" Holly asked.

"Let's try this first," Artemis pushed the button on the dashboard marked **Randomize**. There was a pause as the silver covering on the magnet deep within the pod's workings was pulled back, before everyone in the viewing room was treated to a bright flash as the pod was whisked to a different time.

* * *

Artemis and Holly waited in the pod for almost five minutes until the light over the door turned green. When the door swung open they were blinded by a blast of heated, sun-filled air. The sound of waves filled and tropical birds reached their ears.

Artemis swept an educated eye over the surrounding vegetation. "Hm," he mused. "We appear to be in the Caribbean."

* * *

Nuctuth, a Pelagostas boy, watched from the trees as two people stepped out of thin air in front of him. They were dressed strangely, in dark material that covered their entire bodies. They were white people.

He scurried away through the trees before they saw him. He ran quickly back to his village to tell his mother what he had seen. He believed he had seen a pair of gods, which was particularly amazing considering they were about to hold a ceremony to release another god from his earthly prison.

Nuctuth's stomach rumbled. He was looking forward to the ceremony.

* * *

Please read and review! The next chapter should be up soon. 


	4. Pirates!

Sorry about the cliffhanger, and about taking so long to update! How many of you figured out what time period they're in?

Disclaimer: I own _Pelaganti Mori_, Krolos, Hiuctay, and Nuctuth, but I do not own Artemis Fowl or PotC

* * *

A brightly colored parrot landed on a stump next to Holly. "Don't eat me!" it squawked.

"We're not going to eat you," said Holly.

Artemis popped open the trunk from inside the pod. "Next time we should dress before exiting, in case someone sees us." He pulled out a puffy blouse, a vest, and a tri-cornered hat. "We appear to have arrived during the 1700's."

They quickly dressed, pulling the costumes over their jumpsuits.

"We look like pirates!" Holly exclaimed. She buckled a sword and a flint-lock pistol to her belt. "It's not exactly a neutrino. We better not get in a fire-fight."

"I don't think we need to worry," Artemis observed, glancing around at the surrounding forest. It was totally empty. "We should head to the beach, that's where any civilized people ate likely to be."

They set off in the direction of the roaring waves. When they got there, they were surprised to find a huge, renaissance-style sailing ship beached on the sands. It had heavily patched black sails and long ropes tied it to pegs stuck in the sand. Footprints led across the sand, and as they watched a small boat appeared in the waves.

Holly, ever the tactical soldier, gestured for Artemis to hide in the trees. From this point they watched as a large dog paddled ashore with a pair of keys in its mouth. Soon after, the boat they had seen was capsized by a large wave. Its occupants came ashore and proceeded to climb the ropes up to the ship.

"Pirates," muttered Artemis.

Just then the pounding of drums sounded from the hills on a different part of the island. Artemis frowned for a moment, listening to the throbbing patterns.

"Pelagostos," He whispered. "But that isn't a normal pattern. There's some sort of ceremony going on." He listened again, then gasped. "_Pelaganti Mori,_" he muttered. "They're going to eat somebody."

"_Don't eat me!_" Holly quoted. "I wonder who they're going to eat."

* * *

Nuctuth arrived just in time for the festivities. He grabbed from his hut the knife and fork he had found on the beach, then ran to the feast circle. He got there just as they tied the foreign chief to the spit and lifted him over the fire.

"Aaa, Fy Fy!" cried Krolos, the ceremonial leader, covered in black and white skeleton paint. He lowered his torch to the kindling just as Nuctuth's friend, Hiuctay, ran up screaming that the captives had escaped.

There was a moment's pause, then the god said, "well go on, go get them!" With a huge ruckus, the tribe ran off. Nuctuth stayed. He wanted to eat, not chase after captives.

He watched in amazement as the god tried to blow out the flames dancing underneath him. Then the god escaped. Nuctuth wondered why the god would do such a thing. Didn't he want to be released?

The god saw Nuctuth just as he was untying himself. With a loud yell he charged at the boy. _I better tell Krolos_, he thought as he ran off.

* * *

Holly and Artemis watched as six men, one even shorter than Holly, came running from the forest towards the ship. As they ran past, a particularly cavalier lad hollered "Wait! What about Jack? I won't leave without him!"

_What a nice friend, _thought Holly, with a touch of sarcasm.

"OY!" called someone down the beach. A man with dreadlocks and lots of face paint was sprinting wildly down the beach. Everyone stopped to look at him, then resumed running when they saw the angry horde of Pelagostos following him.

Finally everyone reached the ship. "Farewell my children!" the man called as he boarded. "This is the day that you shall always remember as the day that you almost-"a giant wave washed over him "-Captain Jack Sparrow."

Suddenly, the dog started barking. The Pelagostos turned to look at it, then took off after it. Artemis _almost _started laughing at that. _This is like a movie_ he thought. Then he noticed that Holly was running across the beach towards the ship.

"What are you doing?" He hissed, following her.

"Come on!" she called. "AHOY!"

The man with the dreadlocks peered over the ship's side. "Ahoy! Castaways? Come aboard!"

Holly grinned at Artemis before climbing nimbly up the rope ladder hanging from the ship. Artemis scowled before following, slightly less gracefully.

"Welcome aboard the _Black Pearl_!" a man with an unusual graying beard greeted Holly and Artemis.

"And just who might you be?" The man with the dreadlocks swaggered over.

"I'm Holly," Holly (Duh!) said gruffly. "And this here's Artem-I mean, Arty." Artemis winced at the nickname, because his father called him Arty, but understood that Artemis was hardly pirate material. "We've been shipwrecked," Holly continued. "Our ship hit the reef."

"Well, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," The man paused, expecting some sort of reaction, then continued. "My word is law on board, savvy?"

"Of course," Holly decided it was safer to agree.

The bearded man turned to the captain. "What say you to putting as much distance between us and this accursed island, and heading out to open sea?"

"Yes to the first and yes to the second, but only if we keep to the shallows as much as possible." The captain said.

"Aye," The man strode off to relay to orders.

"Jack, Elizabeth is in danger," The young man informed the captain. They walked off towards the bow.

Holly and Artemis were left amidships. "This was your brilliant plan," Artemis hissed. "So what now?"

Before Holly could answer, the bearded guy came back. "Sorry, my name's Gibbs. Joshamee Gibbs." (That seriously is his real name.) "And this here's Marty, (short guy) Cotton, (mute guy with parrot) Pintel, and Ragetti (dumb guys from lifeboat)."

Each crew member grunted in acknowledgement of their names. Holly and Artemis nodded in welcome.

"What did you do on your ship?" Gibbs asked. "I mean, were you honest sailors or" he looked them closely in the eyes "pirates?"

"Pirates," Artemis answered, expecting that honest sailors would be keel-hauled.

"Excellent!" said Gibbs, his mood lightening instantly. "Let's see, you've already met our captain, and most of the crew, seeing as the Pelagostos dealt with the rest of them, and-"

"Who's that?" Holly interrupted, pointing to the forecastle, where Jack was convincing the young man that he wanted to find a key.

"Because the finding of this finds you _incapacitorilly_ finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-her-face. Savvy?" he was saying.

"Aye, that be young Mr. Turner," Gibbs said.

"Mr. Gibbs?" Jack called.

"Yes Cap'n?"

"We have our heading!"

* * *

(Yeah I know I got some of the events in the wrong order, but if I didn't it wouldn't work with my story, so sorry.)

* * *

"This is quite unexpected," Artemis remarked. He and Holly were on deck, while the crew of the Black Pearl worked around them to get the ship moving. They still had no idea where they were headed, or why it had taken so long to get a heading.

"Aye," said Holly with a grin. She walked up to a sailor who didn't look too busy, the short guy who had earlier been identified as Marty. "Sorry, but where are we actually going?" she asked.

"We're goin' to find this key, supposedly belongin' to Davy Jones," he said, and refused to say anything more.

"Davy Jones?" Artemis repeated when Holly reported to him Marty's answer. "As in the mythical captain of the _Flying Dutchman_?"

"Apparently they don't think he's that mythical," Holly observed.

* * *

"So where were you sailing from?" Jack came over to stand next to Holly, where she had been watching the sea for dolphins, which were never far from a fairy presence.

"Ireland," Holly answered, which was the country fairies felt the most divinity to.

"Ah, the Emerald Isle," Jack murmured, then frowned. "Funny, you don't have much of an accent."

"I'm not native," Holly explained hurriedly. "Arty, though, was born there." She glanced over to where Gibbs was showing Artemis how the Black Pearl was able to travel so fast.

"I see," said Jack. It was hard to tell if he cared, or if he really did "see."

"So we're trying to find Davy Jones?" Holly asked.

"How d'you know?" Jack asked sharply.

"Marty told me," Holly answered. When Jack did not reply, she asked, "How?"

"Wiv this," Jack took out a large, ornate compass. "Do you know what this is?"

"A compass?"

"Not just any compass, love," he said. "This compass shows what you greatest desire." Holly raised a skeptical eyebrow. "When William there," Jack gestured to him, climbing in the rigging, "holds this compass, it points to this key, because it will help him to save his wench, Elizabeth."

"Why do you need this key?" Holly asked.

"Ah," Jack said, tapping the side of his nose. "That's for me to know." He sauntered away, leaving Holly to contemplate what he had said.

* * *

Artemis was climbing the short ladder to the forecastle when a large tremor shook the ship.

"We must have hit a reef!" a pirate shouted. Holly hurried up to Artemis on the forecastle. They watched as a shiver darted through the water. The crew ran around them, trying to pull the ship off the "reef."

Suddenly, gigantic tentacles reared out of the water, reaching for the ship. Several went for the crew, flipping one unfortunate sailor into the water. Others went for the ship, punching large holes in the hold.

"Time to go," said Artemis, sounding unbelievably like Will, and unbelievably out of character.

Holly pulled a credit-card sized remote out of her jumpsuit. _Boop Boop_ it beeped as she pressed the large, red button. The time machine materialized at the bow of the ship.

As the _Black Pearl_ was destroyed around them, Holly and Artemis staggered towards the pod. Holly yanked the door open, and they collapsed inside.

"Here we go," gasped Artemis, and pushed the _randomize_ button.

* * *

Long chapter, cliffhanger, pirates! Could it get any better than this? R&R! 


	5. Riding the Express

Thanks for all the great reviews! I hope this chapter is as good as the last, but I am running out of ideas all too fast. Feel free to suggest some other time periods!

This is mostly dialogue. I'm trying to get Holly and Artemis to fit in.

* * *

The light above the door winked green. Holly popped open the trunk before they left.

"Whoa," she gasped. Two sets of black robes tumbled out, complete with ties, sweaters, and a skirt for Holly.

"These look like some sort of school uniforms," said Artemis, picking up his. "But the robes…"

They pulled them on before leaving the pod. They stepped out onto brightly lit train station platform, filled with people dressed like them. A steaming, red engine waited on the tracks.

Looking behind them, Holly realized that they seemed to have stepped through a solid brick wall. She wondered if anyone had seen them. The platform was certainly busy enough.

She almost jumped a foot in the air (which is a lot for fairies) when several red-haired people walked through the wall. _Do they have a time machine, too?_ She wondered. _But that's impossible!_

"This is King's Cross Station," observed Artemis.

"Platform nine and three quarters?" Holly noticed. "Who ever heard of a platform nine and three quarters?"

A whistle sounded over the buzz of the crowd. "All aboard!" called the conductor.

Holly looked at Artemis, who shrugged. They followed the surge of the crowd and were pushed onto the train.

* * *

(Yay for cliché! Yeah I know I'm just sticking them in movies, which is slightly pathetic, but there are so many time traveling stories where they go to prehistoric times, and medieval, and the future, and that's getting old. So I'm gonna do it my way.)

* * *

The time-traveling duo wandered down the corridor, looking for an empty compartment. But it seemed that everyone was sitting with their friends, and not ready to budge up for a couple of newcomers. They were nearing the end of the train when a friendly voice asked, "Do you need a seat?"

They turned to see one of the red-haired teens Holly had spotted earlier. He had his head stuck into the corridor, and was waiting for a reply.

"Yeah, all right," said Holly, and the boy held the door open for them. They filed inside.

Holly and Artemis sat down next to the red-haired boy. Across from them sat a boy with black, untidy hair and glasses, and a girl with frizzy, brown hair. They all wore black robes.

"I'm Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley," said the red head.

Holly and Artemis introduced themselves.

"I'm Harry," said the other boy. "Harry Potter." Holly was reminded of Captain Jack. Harry, too, seemed surprised when they didn't react to his name.

"I'm Hermione Granger," said the girl. She turned to Artemis. "Are you named after the Greek goddess of hunting?"

"Yes," said Artemis, surprised that another teenager would know this.

"But I thought that was a girl's name," the boy introduced as Ron spoke up. The girl glared at him.

"Generally, yes," said Artemis. "It's a family name. My full name is Artemis Fowl the Second."

"Wow," said Ron. "I thought they stopped naming people 'the Second' _ages_ ago." The girl kicked him, trying to hide it with her robes.

"So, is this your first year at Hogwarts?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I've never seen you before."

"Uh, yeah, you could say that," Holly stammered. She wondered what _Hogwarts_ was.

"Strange, you don't look like first years," Ron observed.

"Uh, we kind of started late," Holly said.

"I see," Ron said. No one believed him.

A few minutes passed without anyone talking. Artemis noticed that the guy Harry wasn't talking much. In fact, he seemed to resent their presence. Harry just stared out the window moodily. Artemis thought of all the psychology articles he had read and/or written, and figured that Harry was suffering chronic depression, probably from losing someone close to him.

"Anything from the trolley?" a voice in the corridor called. "Anything off the trolley?"

Ron and Hermione stood up to buy what looked like exotic sweets from an elderly lady pushing a cart down the aisle. Harry glanced up briefly but went back to staring at the passing countryside.

"Don't you want anything?" Ron asked Artemis and Holly as he sat back down.

"We don't have any money," replied Holly, who had seen the gold, silver, and bronze coins Hermione and Ron had used.

"Here, try a chocolate frog," Hermione said kindly, handing them each a package.

Artemis raised his eyebrows as he unwrapped a very lifelike amphibian made of chocolate.

(A/n: in the book, the frogs don't come to life.)

"Do you want your wizard cards?" Ron asked.

"Wizard cards…?" Artemis didn't understand, for once.

"Do you collect the wizard cards? They come in every package." Ron explained, and pointed out a collecting card stuck in the back of the package.

Artemis and Holly stared as the man pictured on the card smiled cheerily and waved at them.

"Gilderoy Lockhart," Artemis read. "Order of Merlin, third class; honorary member of the Dark Arts Defense League; five times winner of Witch Weekly's most charming smile award, and fraud author. Was credited with numerous heroic acts including the killing of the Bandon Banshee until his ruse was uncovered. Taught at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry for one year before he lost his memory to a misfired _obliviate_ spell. He now lives permanently at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Injuries and Maladies."

Ron started giggling. "'Until his ruse was uncovered.' Ha! They'll never print that a couple of twelve year olds found him out!" He dissolved into laughter.

Artemis and Holly were speechless. Thoughts swirled through Holly's head like cows in a tornado. The most prominent were _Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_, and _a misfired obliviate spell_, and _hospital for Magical Injuries and Maladies_. She knew that similar thoughts were going through Artemis' head.

Hermione gave Ron a "look" before saying "Lockhart was our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in second year. I wonder who it will be this year."

"Dunno," said Ron. "At least it won't be Snape." He clapped a hand over his mouth and glance guiltily at Harry.

Artemis was surprised by the look of hatred and loathing spreading across Harry's face. _Yikes,_ he thought. _This guy seriously needs to see a counselor_. Then he remembered his own personal distaste for counselors, and thought better of it.

"Harry," Hermione said gently, with a worried look at Holly and Artemis. "Your scar's hurting, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Harry said gruffly. "It's never been this bad before, not constantly." He rubbed his forehead, and Artemis noticed for the first time the lightning bolt shaped scar.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," he said, trying to be helpful.

Ron looked surprised. "Do you seriously not know about Harry Potter?" he asked.

"We know that's his name," Holly said, confused.

"So you don't know about You-Know-Who?" Ron asked, shocked.

"Who's that?"

"You seriously don't know?" Ron said in disbelief. "You've never heard of You-Know-Who?!"

"Calm down Ron!" Hermione cried. "Most muggle-borns don't."

"Sorry," Ron said. "I didn't think."

"Well, next time–" Hermione was cut off by the sound of the train's brakes.

"We're here," Ron said. The compartment was suddenly filled with people hurrying to grab their belongings. Holly and Artemis, who had no luggage, tried to stay out of the way.

Harry pulled a large birdcage off the luggage rack. "What's in there?" Holly asked.

"Hedwig," Harry answered, and lifted up a corner of the covering to show a magnificent snowy owl with deep gold eyes.

"Wow," breathed Holly. This was getting weirder and weirder.

Everyone filed out of the train and on to an outside platform. A giant form loomed over them, calling "Firs' years over here! Firs' years this way, please!"

"Hi, Hagrid!" Hermione called, and waved. The giant waved back.

Holly looked around, and in the distance she could see a towering castle, lit up with thousands of lights. "Look!" she told Artemis, and pointed to it.

"This is where they get to go to school?" Artemis said.

"Sign me up!" Holly said. "But we should probably get going."

Artemis agreed, and they made their way to the edge of the crowd. He pulled out the remote and the time machine materialized in front of them. They climbed inside and hit the button.

* * *

How'd I do? This was supposed to be the seventh book train ride, that's why Harry was acting the EMO child. Oh well. Reviews appreciated! 


	6. Satellite City

Finally! An update!

* * *

"This just gets weirder and weirder" Holly breathed as she and Artemis stepped out of the pod and onto the roof of a skyscraper. Both were dressed in ripped jeans, sweatshirts and hi-tops.

They gazed in stunned silence at the never-ending sprawl of the strangest city either had ever seen. Artemis immediately scanned for recognizable landmarks, but there was no Eiffel Tower, no Empire State Building, no Golden Gate Bridge, no Space Needle, and no fairy tale castle. To his frustration, Artemis had no idea where they were.

Greenish smog obliterated the sky and left the lighting low, as though the world was caught in constant twilight. Colossal buildings towered around them, so tall the highest floors were lost in the smog. Traffic clogged the streets far below them.

The building they were standing on was one of the smaller ones, perhaps only 200 stories. It was dwarfed by some of the neighboring ones, great monliths of steel, glass, and concrete. To Holly's fairy eyes, it was horrificly ugly.

"Where are we?" Holly asked finally.

Artemis shook his head. "I can't tell." He took a deep breath, than began to cough.

"Satellite City," said a voice behind them. Holly and Artemis spun around to find themselves faced by four teens.

"Did you guys come from outside the city?" asked the middle-sized boy.

"Yeah…" Holly said warily. She glanced at Artemis.

"So what are you doing up here?" Holly was surprised by the deep voice coming from the shortest person. _A dwarf,_ she reasoned.

"Our jet packs ran out of fuel," Artemis said scathingly.

"Ah, that's happened to me a couple times," there was no joke in the girl's voice.

_Ok, then,_ thought Holly_. Jet packs. I can live with that_.

"What are _you_ guys doing up here?" Artemis asked in turn.

"Blasting Parasites," The first boy answered with a grin.

"_Cosmo!_" There was a warning note in the oldest boy's voice.

"It's ok, Stefan, they don't know what we're talking about."

"Yeah well, thanks to you two they know half our names now." The girl glared at everyone in general.

The four turned back to Artemis and Holly in time to see their confused expressions.

"I'm Mona," the girl said. "This here's Ditto, and Cosmo, and Stefan." She pointed in turn to the shortest boy, the middle one, and the tallest. Ditto and Stefan weren't really teens. Stefan had to be at least 20, and Ditto could have been full grown, despite his size.

"I'm Holly, this is Artemis."

"And we did come from out of the city," Artemis added.

"Huh. No kidding." There was genuine surprise in Mona's voice.

"What are Parasites?" Holly asked. "I'm assuming you weren't talking about fleas that live on your dog?"

"No," Mona said. "Something much worse."

Stefan cut her off. "And something that will make us all sound insane, so we're not going to tell you any more."

Mona rolled her eyes.

"They sell fuel that works for most jet packs at that corner store," Stefan pointing to the street below. "The building's elevator is behind you." He turned away and began to cross the roof towards the next moderately-sized scyscraper.

"Uh, thanks!" said Holly.

The other four nodded and began to run across the top off the building. Just before reaching the edge, they all whipped out extendable ladders and shot across to the next building, then the next, and the next.

"Wow," Holly whistled. She turned to see Artemis looking sadly at the expanse of the city.

"This is the future," he murmured. "Pollution and genetic experiments."

They turned back to the time machine.


	7. Short People With Swords?

Just in case you haven't read it, the last chapter was from _The Supernaturalist_, also by Eoin Colfer. This chapter is a kind of experiment, and you have my most heartfelt apologies if I totally butcher the scene, I've only watched the movie once.

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOOOO

Holly and Artemis stepped from the time pod and into a deep forest. Both were dressed in tunics and leggings, and Holly had a quiver full of arrows strapped to her back and a bow in her hand. Artemis would have preferred to be carrying the bow, but Holly had given him a lecture already on how she was the one who actually had weapon use training.

"Strange," Artemis mused, looking past the trees to a looming mountain range. "This forest seems to be in New Zealand, but the climate isn't quite right."

"Yeah, uh-huh, strange," said Holly, not really caring.

They continued into the forest until Holly stopped.

"Do you here that?" she asked.

Artemis listened. "I hear a river."

"No, I can hear voices," Holly whispered. She put her finger to her lips and crept forward silently.

The noise of the river grew steadily louder and louder, until Artemis and Holly realized it was not only a river, but a waterfall, too. They could make out eight distinct voices, all male.

Holly and Artemis crouched, hidden behind some brush as the voices suddenly ceased.

Holly peered between the leaves. "I can't see anybody," she whispered.

"Don't move!" Holly and Artemis froze and the sound of the voice behind them. "Turn around slowly, and keep your hands in plain sight." They complied.

In a moment of déjà vu, Artemis and Holly turned to again find themselves surrounded, but their captors this time around looked a lot more dangerous than the group of teens in Satellite City.

Three full-grown men and five who were distinctly shorter faced them, all with drawn weapons. "Who are you?" growled one of the short ones, the one with a long red beard and battle helmet.

"My name is Artemis, and this is Holly," Artemis said nervously, his hands raised.

"That doesn't tell us much," said the tall man with the darkest hair. (Am I confusing anybody? 'Cause I'm sure confusing myself!) "Where are you from and which _side _are you on?"

"We aren't on a side," Holly said, giving Artemis time to think up an answer to the first question, because she sure didn't have a clue.

"We come from over the mountains," Artemis swallowed. "From very, very far away."

The blonde man lowered his bow. "The northern waste?" He quirked an eyebrow, an eyebrow that stood out dark from his fair hair.

"Wherever you come from, it is none of our business," the third man spoke up. He turned to the dark-haired man. "Let's get a move on."

"I thought we had planned to camp here," one of the shortest added his voice.

"Please, we are being discourteous." The dark-haired man spoke again. "They gave their names." He turned to Holly and Artemis. "I am Aragorn; this is Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin."

Each person raised their hand as they were named. Holly and Artemis nodded their head in acknowledgement.

"Are you a hobbit?" Merry asked (or maybe it was Pippin; Holly wasn't sure.)

"What's that?" Holly asked, because she really couldn't say she wasn't if she didn't know what it was.

"Why, we're hobbits!" Pippin (or maybe it was Merry) said, gesturing to himself and the other hobbits. "Except he's a dwarf," here he gestured to Gimli.

"No, I'm an elf!" Holly said indignantly.

"Really?" the blonde man, Legolas, asked. "You don't look like one." He brushed back his hair to reveal pointed ears.

Holly's mouth dropped open. This guy was an elf! Where the heck were they? Was this back in Frond's age, or even earlier? But where was this dude getting off by being so tall?

Holly quickly regained her composure. She brushed back her own hair to show her ears. "I don't?" she asked.

"But you're the size of a hobbit!" Boromir protested.

"All elves are this height where I come from," Holly answered.

Aragorn turned to Artemis. "You're human, aren't you?"

"Yes," Artemis answered warily.

Sam spoke up unexpectedly, "Where's Mr. Frodo?"

Everyone looked around. "Frodo?" Aragorn called out. There was no answer. "Frodo!"

They began to search. Holly tried to remember which one Frodo had been. One of the short ones, the "hobbits." The quiet one with staring blue eyes, who had been fingering something on a chain around his neck. Artemis and Holly looked at each other.

"Now what?" Holly asked.

"Stay here," Gimli instructed.

"Well, that answers that," Artemis said.

Soon no one else was in sight, having spread out to search for Frodo.

"So, where, or when, do you think we are?" Holly asked.

Artemis shook his head. "I don't know. European medieval-era clothing, but this really does seem to be New Zealand. No one wore European clothing in New Zealand during medieval times."

"Shh!" Holly hissed suddenly. She pointed to a cluster of trees nearby, from which voices were coming. They couldn't make out many words, but recognized the voices of Frodo and Boromir. Holly wasn't sure, but the words didn't seem friendly. In fact, it sounded like Boromir was threatening Frodo.

Holly and Artemis glanced at each other bewilderedly and inched closer, trying to hear. Holly thought she heard something like "I need the ring" and "save Gondor" and "give it to me!"

A moment later they heard Frodo dashing through the brush, further up the hill. He reappeared on an outcropping of rock above Holly and Artemis, visible above the trees. He was still clutching something on a chain around his neck. Aragorn appeared behind him and he jumped in surprise, maybe even fright.

Holly couldn't make out any words, but a moment later Frodo drew his sword. Holly gasped when she saw it glowed with blue light. Frodo didn't turn on Aragorn; instead he yelled "Orcs!" and dashed back down the hill as Aragorn turned to face…

_Them._

It was the strangest, most gruesome, most terrifying sight either Artemis or Holly had ever seen. Nearly a hundred _creatures_, with mottled red skin, stringy hair, rusty armor, and huge, crooked swords surged over the hilltop and descended on the group. Aragorn stood his ground and began to fight, while Frodo raced down the hill until he stopped to hide behind a tree.

He saw Holly and Artemis staring at him. "Hide!" he hissed. "Hide, or fight!"

Artemis ducked behind a tree, but Holly whipped out her bow and strung an arrow on it. She turned towards the swarming mass of orcs.

"Do you know how to shoot that?" Artemis asked.

"Of course," Holly said. She pulled the string back, aimed for a second, then fired. The arrow sailed through the air and imbedded in a tree. Quickly Holly restrung her bow and fired another arrow. It landed with a sickening _thunk_ in the chest of an orc. The orc bellowed and fell.

Holly gasped and slipped behind a tree. "What's wrong?" Artemis asked.

"I killed it," Holly answered. She had never killed anything or anyone before. She always had her Neutrino set to _stun_. The fairy folk did not kill.

Artemis looked up to where Aragorn was still fighting. Legolas was further along the hill, his bow cocked and arrows flying with deadly accuracy. Gimli had his battle axe out and was swinging it with zeal. The hobbits were all hiding behind various trees and stumps. Boromir was nowhere to be seen.

"Now what do we do?" Artemis hissed. "We can't just sit here!"

Holly decided to ignore him until she could come up with an answer. She watched as Merry and Pippin beckoned to Frodo, trying to convince him to hide with them behind a large stump. The orcs were beginning to infiltrate the forest, searching the trees for more victims. Abruptly, Boromir stumbled down the hill. "Run Frodo!" he shouted. "Head for the river!" (a/n: I don't even know if this part is right.)

Frodo nodded and took off down the hill. The orcs were fast approaching. Severe black arrows whizzed through the air. Boromir began to fight in earnest, trying to protect the terrified hobbits. Holly could tell that he didn't see the orc rushing up behind him.

"Duck!" she screamed.

Boromir was well trained in battle and responded unquestioningly, and the orc's sword arced over his head.

The battle continued. Holly saw Sam heading down the hill. "Let's follow him!" She called to Artemis. He nodded and they sprinted down the hill, dodging between trees. Artemis, still wearing his loafers, tripped on a root and fell. Holly grabbed his arm and heaved, almost falling herself, being half his weight. They ran on, crashing through the underbrush until they reached the river.

"Quick, the pod's this way," Holly panted, yanking Artemis upriver. They continued on until they saw the outline of the pod through the trees. Artemis hauled the door open and they tumbled inside.

Before slamming the door, Holly stared out into the forest. "Do you think they'll be okay?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm sure they will," Artemis answered. "Did you see the sword work they had going for them?"

"All the same, they were outnumbered fifty to one." Holly sighed and closed the door. "Let's go home."

OOOOOOOOOOOO

An exciting adventure, but it's not over yet! What will Holly and Artemis find when they return to Haven City? Tune in whenever I update next to find out!


	8. Causality Bites

Holly and Artemis stepped out to find the pod launching room completely empty.

"Where is everyone?" Holly asked. There was no sign anyone had ever been here, no trash from the reporters or footprints.

Artemis walked over to Foaly's command screen, which was blank. The chair facing it seemed odd, out of place.

"Holly, look," Artemis said, pointing at the chair.

"Yes Artemis, that's a chair," Holly answered. "We use them when we want to sit down."

"No, look at the chair."

"I don't – hey!" Holly suddenly exclaimed. "That's not Foaly's chair!"

She was right. Foaly normally used special swivel chairs, modified to fit his horses' body. But the chair facing them now was perfectly ordinary, black, and not in the least bit threatening. But somehow, it managed to scare the heebie-jeebies out of Artemis and Holly.

"What is going on here?" Artemis muttered. He strode towards the door at the back of the room. But before he reached it, it opened of its own accord and something large and blonde streaked in.

"ARTYYYY!" Minerva launched herself at Artemis and grabbed him around the neck, not in a strangle but in choking embrace. "You're back!" she babbled and began planting kisses on his cheek.

"Augh!" Artemis yelped and tried to pull away. "Minerva – what the – get off me!"

Holly was standing in the middle of the room growing increasingly embarrassed and confused. What in Frond's name was going on? Was Minerva out of her mind? Was there something Artemis hadn't told her?

Needless to say, Artemis' pathetic attempts to escape did not go unnoticed, and Minerva eventually realized that something was awkward.

"What's wrong, Arty?" she asked in a horrible baby voice. Artemis was finally able to wrench himself free. Minerva was wearing a fluffy white wedding dress and way too much makeup.

"What's wrong with me?" he shouted back. "What's the matter with you?"

"Muffin cake, it's only me!" Minerva smiled an awful, sickly sweet smile.

"I know it's you!" Artemis answered. "But why is it you?"

"How did you get down here?" Holly jumped in. "How do you know about Haven?"

"I'm sorry Holly, but don't you remember? Arty and I got married!" Minerva wiggled her fingers at her and a glint of expensive looking gold winked at them. "I know you weren't invited, but no fairy folk were. Now I know all of Artemis' little secrets!"

Holly looked to Artemis in shock, but one look at his face told her all she needed to know: that he was just as bamboozled a she was.

"AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!" they both screamed and raced back to the pod. Artemis slammed the door behind him as Minerva tried to follow him.

"Come back!" she screeched. Anger flamed across her faced and she looked quite deranged.

"Quick!" Artemis gasped, and Holly's hand flattened the randomize button.

As the windows blackened, the last thing they heard was Minerva shrieking "What about our honeymoon?!"


	9. A Sound of Thunder

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm continuing with the story as if _Time Paradox_ didn't exist. I like my version of time travel better.

* * *

Artemis wracked his brain for an explanation. _What had he done to change the future?_ He had believed causality, the idea that everything is affected by everything else, would not be an issue. If I go back in time and kill my grandfather, will I cease to exist? However, if I don't exist, how can I kill my grandfather?

There was a soft _ding_ as the green light lit up above the doorway, but neither Artemis nor Holly moved. Holly looked very green in the face, and Artemis suspected it wasn't entirely from the green light.

"We must have changed something in the past," he mused. "What was it?"

"Well, let's think," Holly replied. "First we went to the Caribbean."

"I can't think of anything we did there that would affect the future," Artemis answered. "Next was the bizarre magic school."

"We hardly did anything there," Holly said regretfully. She would have liked to explore that world further. "After that we went to the future, Satellite City."

"All we did was talk to those teenagers."

"Next was the medieval forest…" Holly's voice trailed off. She looked at Artemis and turned very pale. "I stopped an orc from killing Boromir!"

Artemis though about this for a moment. It was painfully clear. Somewhere down the line, an ancestor of Boromir's must have intercepted Minerva's family line. Or his family. Of course, it could have been something more subtle. A conversation, a chance meeting, an indirect influence. A small action that had monumental consequences. Artemis was reminded of the Ray Bradbury story, where a man changes the future of his entire country by treading on a butterfly. _A Sound of Thunder_. He had always known Bradbury was on to something there.

"So what do we do?" Holly asked.

"I think we have to go back, and-"

Holly cut him off. "Kill him? I can't do that!"

"Do we have another choice?" Artemis said wearily.

"What if I stop myself? Can I go back and tell myself not to?" Holly's voice rose in pitch as she grew more anxious.

"I don't think you can," Artemis answered. "For one thing, you would remember it. You would remember meeting yourself, and we wouldn't be having this conversation now."

"But if that's true, how is it possible that we changed the future?" Holly was grasping at straws, trying to maintain her understanding of a conversation spiraling out of reality.

"Meeting yourself would create a paradox. The time stream won't allow it. Here, I'll show you." Artemis reached for the controls of the pod, planning to return to their time/place coordinates that had landed them in the company of hobbits and elves. He never got that far.

The pod was suddenly shaken with rumbling tremors. Holly and Artemis were rattled like beans a maraca, tumbling while electronic alarms in the pod were activated and filled the pod with beeping and whooping klaxons. The control panels flashed and warnings scrolled across the screens. Artemis felt his head strike the roof of the pod and was disoriented for a moment. Then the pod was still.

"What was that?" Holly gasped in the sudden silence.

Artemis rubbed his head. "Did we think to check _where_ and _when_ we were before having this little conversation?"

The control panels continued to flash warnings and error messages, but the alarms were quiet. Artemis and Holly looked at the pod door, too terrified to move and turn the handle.

Holly had faced many types of danger. Goblin smugglers with illegal, fatal weapons. Armies of demons. Opal Koboi and her legions of minions. A disoriented and pained troll (quiet a few, actually). Kidnapping. A speeding, radioactive train. A furious Butler. Nevertheless, she had dealt with all those horrors by keeping her head. She had never let fear overpower her.

But as she and Artemis faced this door, she was inundated by overbearing, paralyzing fear. Because she had no way of knowing what was on the other side of the door. Holly had always known what she was in for, what was going to happen. Sure, there had been a few surprises. But they were all real, tangible, fairly familiar things. Whatever had shaken the pod was an unknown. And she was terrified.

From outside, there was a sound of thunder.

* * *

Artemis leaned forward and pushed the lever to release the door. Holly automatically drew her Neutrino as the door swung open, releasing a burst of humid air. They peered outside to see a foot.

A three-foot long, scaly, clawed, _green_ foot.

Holly and Artemis stared at this foot for a moment. Slowly, their eyes moved upwards, across the expanse of smooth, glistening scales, up the sinewy, muscled leg to the thick, muscled torso to the line of plate-like spines along its back, marching forward down the long, serpentine neck to the triangular, beaked head. Tiny, calculating eyes swiveled to meet their gaze.

"_Stegosaurus_," Artemis breathed. Holly ignored him. She found herself face to face with the dinosaur. Despite its immense size, the monster's head was only about a meter off the ground. Right on level with Holly.

"Don't worry, stegosaurs are herbivores," Artemis whispered. "It won't hurt us."

"Don't be so confident," Holly whispered back. "I think we startled it."

As a seasoned field officer, Holly took an automatic survey of what was before her. It appeared the stegosaur had been using the pod as a scratching post, and there were deep gouges carved in the pod's metal skin from the creature's spiked tail.

Holly realized how much damage the same spikes could do to Artemis and herself. "We need to get back in the pod. Back up, slowly."

Artemis nodded and dragged his foot back, keeping his eyes locked on the creature. The stegosaur snorted at the movement, and suddenly wheeled around, swinging its massive spiked tail towards them.

"Duck!" Holly screamed, shoving Artemis out of the way. The tail swung over their heads, missing by inches.

"Quick, back in the pod," Holly gasped as the stegosaur thundered away. She hauled the door closed behind them. "Get us out of here."

Artemis stood over the control panel. "I don't think we can," he answered bleakly.

"What do you mean?" Holly asked. She looked at the controls, all flashing error signs.

"I think we're stuck here."


	10. Time Machine Repair 101

As the sun began to set on the prehistoric landscape, a pterodactyl swooped low above a wide, winding river. Despite the magnificence of its flight and the graceful arcs it executed as it flew effortlessly through the air, the ancient reptile had only one thing on its tiny mind: food.

The pterodactyl knew from years of hunting that fish a-plenty could be found lurking in the shadows below fruit trees growing along the riverbank. As he flew in closer, something caught the pterodactyl's eye.

The flying reptile let out a surprised _squawk_ as the thing on the riverbank came into focus. It was a strange animal, standing on two legs and reaching two more into the branches of a fruit tree. Abruptly, the thing disappeared. Not into the forest, into thin air! The pterodactyl was so surprised it flew into a tree, shaking loose several mangoes and sending them splattering to the forest floor.

* * *

Holly shielded and hurried back to the pod with her arms full of mangoes and bananas. She quickly located the pod despite the branches and palm leaves obscuring it. Once inside, Holly dumped the armload of fruit on the floor.

"We're lucky the magnet landed us in a tropical climate," she commented. "Plenty of fruit." She plopped into a control chair and began peeling a banana. "Any luck?"

Artemis was hidden in a mass of wires and cables. "It's getting there," he replied. "I still need to reconnect the generator to the solar panels, and some of them are damaged."

"That doesn't sound too complicated," Holly said.

"The most difficult part is reaching the connections. Foaly had an entire team of sprites to build this, and the access hatches are too small for easy fixing." Artemis didn't look at Holly as he stood up to grab a mango.

"Fairy design. Let me try," Holly offered, then noticed Artemis' reluctant expression. "Or is the great Artemis Fowl too proud to ask for help?"

"No, that's not it," Artemis muttered. "It's just that I don't understand the connections, so I wouldn't be able to help you."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Let me look at it."

Artemis led her to an open access hatch, low to the ground and only about 15inches in diameter. Holly slid easily inside.

"I see your problem," her voice muffled. "These are fairy circuits. Held together by magic, and requiring magic to repair."

"So you can fix them?"

"I could," Holly slid back out of the hatch. "But I've been running low on magic. I barely had enough to shield today."

"So we need to find an oak tree."

"Yes."

Artemis stuck his head out of the pod door and looked around in the dusky air. "Unfortunately we are in the wrong climate. Oak trees are temperate, and this is a tropical area."

"_Prehistoric_ tropical area," Holly corrected. "I think there's a bigger variety of plant life than you'd expect." Artemis had not left the pod since they'd arrived three days ago, choosing to devote himself to the task of fixing the time magnet.

Holly shrugged on a pair of mechanical wings from the pod's equipment rack. "I'm going to go scout around," she said. "I'm not going to shield, because I can out-maneuver anything faster than me. You stay here and eat some fruit." She buzzed out the door before Artemis could get a word in edgewise.

Artemis collapsed wearily into the pod's command chair. He reflected briefly on their troubles as he watched Holly fly out into the prehistoric night, lit by a glowing full moon. He reached over and picked up a mango, biting into its fleshy sweet skin.

There was a worm in it.

* * *

By the time Artemis had finished spitting and retching, Holly had returned. Her face had a healthy, flushed look. "All set!" she chirped.

"Good," Artemis gasped. His face was rather green. He chucked the bitten mango into the jungle, and it landed hopelessly short. "Let's fix the generator."

Holly slid into the hatch and sent a few neon green sparks into the wires. Like live snakes, they twined together with a satisfying hiss.

"Amazing," Artemis breathed. If only humans were as talented.

Holly slid back out of the access hatch and kicked it shut. "Okay," she said, hopping into one of the command chairs. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

She was about to hit the big red button when Artemis stopped her.

"We have to go back and fix the past," he reminded her. "I don't want to stay married to Minerva." He shuddered.

"Right, back to the place with the short people with swords." Holly flipped through the listings on the display screen, where each of their previous destinations was recorded. Unfortunately, they had forgotten to name them.

"Was it this one?" Holly asked, highlighting the one labeled _Time 5_.

"Try it," Artemis answered without thinking. Holly pressed select, and there was a flash as the magnet reconnected with the universe of time.

* * *

When the pod's humming stopped and the light above the door flashed green, Artemis stuck his head out the door.

"ARTYYYYY!!!!!" A shrill female voice shrieked.

"Nope, wrong one," Artemis pulled his head back in and slammed the door. Holly selected _Time 4_.

"Wait," Artemis stopped her. "We don't want to run into our past selves. We better change the coordinates." With a few expert keystrokes, he had adjusted for the pod to arrive three minutes and 50 feet away from their previous landing. "That should give us enough cover."

"Hurry," Holly warned him. Minerva had begun banging on the pod door.

"Hey, this pod survived a stegosaurus with a raging itch." Artemis was still adjusting the controls. "I think it can withstand Minerva."

As he finished speaking, there was a loud metallic _screeech_ and the sound of twisting metal. "ARTY! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, AND I KNOW YOU'RE WITH _HER_!"

"And we are out of here!" Artemis sent the pod wooshing into the vacuum of space and time, with only a lingering scream from Minerva.


	11. Flash from the Past

Holly poked her head out of the pod. "Yep, we're in the right place this time."

"Good," Artemis followed her outside; adjusting the tunic he had pulled on over his LEP suit.

"So where, no, _when_ are we?" Holly asked.

"If my calculations are correct, our captors should just now be leaving to search for Frodo," Artemis replied. "Look, there's one of them there!" Artemis and Holly ducked behind a patch of shrubs as one of the hobbits walked past calling "Frodo? Frodo? Where are you?"

Artemis turned to Holly. "We need to plan how we're going to fix the future. I know fairies hate the idea of killing another living creature. Do you have a different plan?"

"I've thought it over," Holly answered. "What if we wait until after I yell duck and save him, and then shoot him with an arrow to injure him, enough that an orc catches him?"

Artemis thought for a moment. "That could work. We will need to make sure they kill him, though."

Holly took a deep breath. "I know." Artemis could see the idea pained her.

"We need to move if we're going to get between them and the river." Artemis looked around cautiously before leaving their hiding place and heading down the hill. Holly followed him.

They slipped quietly through the trees. Or at least Holly went quietly. Artemis stepped on every dry twig and his feet crackled through every dead leaf on the ground. Despite all this, they had nearly reached the river when they heard the cry above them: "Orcs!"

Almost immediately, the air was filled with the sounds of battle: banging and yelling and roaring and the clashing of metal. Artemis and Holly each hid behind a tree and waited while the orcs drew closer. Holly strung an arrow on her bow and peered around the tree.

Within seconds, Holly could see Boromir fighting his way through the orcs. He bellowed, "Run, Frodo! Head for the river!" then returned to the battle. As an orc rushed up behind him, Holly heard a shrill voice call out "duck!"

_Is my voice really that high pitched?_ She though distractedly. She and Artemis both moved farther around the tree to avoid being seen as their past selves rushed past.

Boromir stumbled past, still battling several orcs. The other warriors were no where to be seen. It was now or never.

Holly took a deep breath and raised her bow. She struggled to focus on aiming at Boromir's thick legs.

"Holly, hurry!" The urgency in Artemis' voice distracted Holly. He knew better than to distract her while she was aiming. She glanced over her cocked shoulder to see Legolas heading in their direction, still firing arrows.

"We don't want him to see us shoot Boromir," Artemis continued. "That could make our exit more difficult."

"Right," said Holly. She took aim briefly, then fired.

Boromir gasped in pain and surprise and lurched to the left. A small wound, and certainly not fatal, but it was enough to make Boromir drop his guard for a second. The orc fighting him swung its battle axe in a single, deadly chop.

Holly turned and buried her face in Artemis' chest. "I killed him," she sobbed. "I _killed_ him!"

Artemis wrapped his arms around Holly and patted her shoulder awkwardly. "Holly, we need to move." Orcs were still swarming down the hill.

Holly nodded and tried to pull herself together. She looked up to see Legolas staring at them from several feet away. He was livid.

"_Traitors_!" he howled. He began to string an arrow, but was distracted by an orc charging him.

Holly and Artemis sprinted down the hill. Legolas' cries followed them as he yelled to Aragorn "After them! They killed Boromir!" He obviously thought they were the same Artemis and Holly whom he had spoken to earlier.

Once again Artemis found himself running for his life. _I should write a book about Déjà vu,_ he thought abstractedly. Then he reminded himself to focus on running and not tripping. The sight of Holly tearing off her tunic helped.

"Use your LEP suit to shield!" she called to him. Artemis immediately followed her example. He ripped the Velcro cover from his sleeve and pushed the coded buttons to make his suit fade into near-invisibility. Of course, he understood the science of this and the fact that his surroundings were being projected onto his clothing, but this is an action scene and we're not going to go into all that.

Holly and Artemis were now disembodied floating heads, which was a little odd but also much harder to aim at. Several arrows whizzed past them as they continued racing down the hill, but none found their mark.

Holly was the first to reach the river. She immediately turned upstream and began working through the trees. The pod was still on the hill above them.

"Wait, Holly!" Artemis panted. "Don't you have the remote?"

Holly searched her pockets. "D'arvit!" she swore. "I must have lost it!" They continued hashing their way through the underbrush. "I think we're getting close to where we left the pod the first time," Holly commented.

Sure enough, they soon heard familiar voices. A moment later they heard the pod door slam shut. As they emerged from the bushes, the pod disappeared in a flash of light.

"Look!" Holly cried. She ran over to where the pod had vanished and picked up a small white object. It was the remote for the pod.

Holly pushed the button, _boop boop_, and the pod materialized in front of them.

"Good timing," Artemis remarked with a glance over his shoulder. It sounded like Legolas was following them.

Holly opened the door and they quickly stepped inside. As Artemis swung the door shut, he saw Legolas' emerge from the underbrush. The expression on his face changed quickly from angry to surprise and yes, fear.

"Time to go home?" Holly asked.

"I think so," Artemis answered as he selected their starting time, and hit _go. _

* * *

The sound of the pod wound down from a hum to silence. The tiny light above the door winked green, but neither Holly nor Artemis reached to open it.

"It's going to be normal this time, right?" Holly asked hesitantly.

Artemis smiled. "Normal? We have a normal?" Then he leaned over and kissed Holly.

For a moment, Holly couldn't think. Artemis was kissing her. How was she supposed to react? The mudboy who had kidnapped her and held her for ransom and was now her best friend? But then she realized she didn't have to react. It just felt right.

Together, Artemis and Holly faced the pod door and opened it to a room full of opportunity.

* * *

Good ending? Please R&R, I love comments. I'm thinking of continuing to write them into different stories, just as short drabbles because it's so much fun. The only thing is that I need new ideas! Please let me know what you think and THANK YOU for reading!


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